


To let yourself be loved

by rosesforMina



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Cliche, Comedy, F/F, Romance, slight angst, things escalated quickly lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24336199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesforMina/pseuds/rosesforMina
Summary: Don't you think it's scary? To let yourself be loved? Yes. Yes it is, Jeongyeon believes.And Mina wanted to change that
Relationships: Myoui Mina/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	To let yourself be loved

**Author's Note:**

> Just my 2am thoughts and love for Jeongmi
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes :<
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> 2nd fic :)

If you let yourself be loved, you trust. You trust them with all of you, let them know what are your biggest fears, things that scare you, tell them the things you love and can't live without, what makes your heart flutter and makes you have butterflies in your stomach, say the things that make you sad, things that'll put your mood down and those that make you angry, frustated, that makes you want to just leave everything behind and be by yourself and of course, there are things that make you happy and make you grateful that you have them and you treasure them for the rest of your life.

But what if they used all of that to manipulate you?

And guess what, _they do._

They use it for their own good and make you do stuff that you're not willing to do, and you still do it anyways because you're _scared_.

You're _scared_ that one day they'll end up leaving you and you won't know what or who you are anymore because they know you better than yourself. You'll be lost because you're used to it, them controlling you, and you're left questioning where did the old you go.

You keep finding it, the old you, interspecting and finding some fragments that'll remind you of who you used to be but you fail anyways because it's gone and nowhere to be found. You're so occupied that you're not growing as a person, you've shut everything and everyone out because you're not ready to let them know who you are now, heck, you yourself don't even know who you are. You keep bending over backwards that you don't know how to do this shit anymore.

What happened with Jeongyeon and her bestfriend back then was, let's just say a _nightmare_. For Jeongyeon, she thought that Kithe was her bestfriend for life, a pal til the end, a buddy that'll have your back no matter what.

_God, was she wrong. But she decided to stay anyways._

Kithe threatened to tell the public of what Jeongyeon really is, _a lesbian_. 

The idea that if it ever came to Jeongyeon's parents, the horror plastered in their faces, the dissapointment it would bring to the family, and also losing someone who you've been with for years overpowered her mind more than the thought of fighting back.

_If this is love then I don't want it._

You've built walls not letting anyone in and take away that teenie, tiny, winy piece of you that reminded you of your previous yourself. You protect it like it's the last thing you own.

At school, yes, you have friends but can you even call them that? you don't allow them to know you much, you stand in a safe distance, they try and try to get close but you always push them away every single time, they get tired and just stop. You don't let them close enough, like there's always a yellow line and they're not allowed to cross over it, you just befriend them because of groupings and they seemed the easiest people and most logical ones out of the whole class, uninterested enough towards you and only cares about getting high marks.

You continue to hold on firmly to your decision to not even show your emotions, you deliberately estrange yourself to anyone because they might see through this facade of yours and manipulate you again. There's no one marked as an exemption.

So Jeongyeon finds herself walking the empty park of Seoul in the cold of a Saturday night wearing a brown sweater and a plaid scarf around her neck. She enjoyed this, there's not a soul to be seen. She stands back facing the fountain in the middle of the park, her gaze at the walkway in front of her, there are lucent lamps and fairy lights wrapped around the trunks and branches of trees lined beside the walkway throughout the park, and along with the stars and the moon above, is enough to make Jeongyeon _cry_ , she lets the tears fall.

She _cries_ because it's the only time where she feels weightless, there's no one there to exploit any harm on her. She likes to think that she's letting herself free from any kind of battle between the world, and even a battle with herself.

These are the rare times that she feels real. 

But out of nowhere, there's a smaller figure crashing onto her own, it's hugging her so tightly. 

She _likes_ it. 

She feels _warm_.

_But she still holds on to her resolve._

She pushes the figure away, not lightly but not vigorously either, and wipes her tears with her own hands.

She familiarized who it was.

It was Myoui Mina, one of your classmates. She hadn't tried to cross anylines with you, only conversed regarding school works, she was one of the many - if not all - people you've alienated yourself from, but you have never noticed the wary glances she gave you a multitude of times.

"What are you doing here at this hour?"

Mina points at the plastic bags beside her feet, filled with instant noodles and junk foods "My cravings were nagging me too much. I could ask you the same question but I assume you won't tell me"

Jeongyeon said in a fixed voice "Yeah, you're right"

"Want to come over to my apartment?" Well, that was kind of an _illogical_ question, Jeongyeon thinks to herself. On how vigilant and observant Mina is, the complacent and unfriendly demeanor Jeongyeon has shouldn't be hard to understand. 

"Sorry but no. I actually wanna head home" 

_There you go again. So protective of yourself._

"You sure? I cook world class ramyeon" Mina tried again

 _Why would she even think that that will be enough to convince me,_ Jeongyeon thought, she scrunched her brows.

"I really should go back home, you should too" 

"Well. Okay then. See you on Monday" Mina showed Jeongyeon her smile that made the older woman question if she should just go along with her.

They went back to their own apartment and house respectively, back to their own life routine.

[•••]

  
But on Monday, something _changed_.

Usually, Jeongyeon just sits at her chair the whole day, it's where she eats her packed lunch, no one really dares to speak to her because she seems unapproachable and hard to talk with, she gets up only from her seat when they need to do groupings or when she feels like reading and goes to the library

 _First thing_ in the morning, Mina greets you a good morning, it made you briefly quizzical but you quickly shrugged it off thinking this is just the charismatic side of her. At lunch, she asks you if you wanna join her and her friends, Sana and Momo, to have lunch, you declined. This went on for a month. She keeps on pushing herself on you even if you turn her down countless of times.

You started to get _annoyed_.

"Look. Would you stop already?"

You were both in the park again. She would always come by here at the dead of night to check if you were here. And everytime you were, she wouldn't leave your side until you wanted to go home.

"What?"

"This _pinning_ you're doing, you need to stop"

"Pinning? Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"What else would it be then!?" Jeongyeon said in a higher tone and pointed her finger the ground "You being _here_ , do you seriously think that I believe that every time I see you here is just a _coincidence_?! This was supposed to be my me time, you're taking it away! Following me around, asking what I had for breakfast or dinner, accompanying me to my next classes, even volunteering to walk me hom-"

_"I love you"_

"You- _what_...?" Jeongyeon didn't notice that there were tears flowing from the eyes of the girl infront of her.

Mina stepped closer to Jeongyeon and poked harshly at the sternum of the older woman, her voice was pugnacious and assertive while saying the words:

"I _fucking_ love you, you _douchebag_! I didn't know what it was at first - pity, sympathy or whatever but I wanted to put you out of your misery. You remind me so much of someone I used to be. You're afraid that you might end up being a puppet, moving according to the puppeteer that you let put strings on you. I wanted to change that perspective of yours. I tried to show you that there will be someone that'll adore you for the scum that you are, just like Momo and Sana did for me." 

Mina stopped her poking, she idly dropped her hands to her sides in defeat and rambled on, more lulled "And maybe, just maybe, you'd warm up to me and hoped that you'll love me back but I guess you're too much of an _asshole_ " 

  
Mina turned away, walking out of the park. 

Jeongyeon racks every single brain cell she has and find something to say or even do - but _nothing_ , the revelation took over her process of thinking.

Her _hand_ , out of impulse, twitched like it wanted to pull Mina by the arm and Jeongyeon would look her straight in the eyes and say that she's _sorry_ , sorry for not seeing it - the signs she was showing, the signs that not all people are wicked, signs that there will always be someone made to make you happy.

When you entered class, her seat was empty, your first class started and she still hasn't showed up.

She was _absent_.

Momo and Sana glared at you the whole day, it didn't help the guilt that was travelling in your veins, the shame that was swirling in your insides. 

By the next day, Mina came back.

You thought that she'll ignore your existence, you thought she'll start to despise you from now on, you thought she'll hate every bit of your being.

But _no_ ,

She and acted like nothing happened, like the two of didn't have that talk at the park the other night - as though it was all just a dream, like she didn't opened up and confessed the deep, tender feeling of affection she had for you.

She greeted you a good morning, asked you for lunch, questioned if you understood the lesson, let you borrow her extra ballpen because the one you previously used (which was also hers that you haven't returned for sometime now and acted as if it was your very own) fell on your way rushing to school (because you couldn't sleep last night thinking what could have happened to her that she didn't show up that day so you woke up late)

She just won't give up, _will she_. She keeps on meddling in your life like an incurable disease - that you end up wondering what her problem is and why haven't any of those professionals found a remedy for it yet, but nevertheless, you can't deny that ever so slight change you've shown her, that you noticed her a tad bit more than the others.

It's still there though, that part of you that's so cautious, guarded, afraid - that portion that's so difficult to change, it's telling, screaming you to; stop these actions of yours, the fondness you're starting to develop for her is just that idiotic human part of you, that everything is just a way to get inside your mind, make you think that this is all genuine but really, this is just a show to make you fall on your knees.

But you are entirely human, are you not? 

_Your walls begin to crumble, a small piece of it broke off._

Hasn't she showed no ill will from the start? 

_Your armor chipped_.

And why would she continue to pursue you like this after you've been such a jerk to her unless what she displays is utter benevolence?

_A little beacon of light shines in the hollow darkness of the hole you've crawled into._

She's just so stubborn, isn't she? Jeongyeon thinks.

_and it's all under her mercy._

  
**[•••]**

  
So you gave it a try, _her_ a try rather.

You started to greet her a 'good morning' back. The first time you greeted back, she showed you her precious gummy smile, it was full of hope and brightness, that you've come up to admire, it always had been directed to either Momo or Sana or even both, but this time it was pointed straight at you and you thought you'd do anything just to see it on her face every single day. 

You decide to have lunch with her (your entire being warms up whenever she gives you small bits of her food) 

And she introduced you to her friends

"Hi, I'm Sana, hurt her again and I'll make my pets drink every drop of your blood. How do you do?"

"I'm Momo, break her heart and I'll break your bones. Nice to finally meet you" 

"Oh my god. Don't scare her!" Mina placed both her hands on Jeongyeon's shoulder to keep her from standing up

"I t-think I'd rather e-eat alone"

"Too late" Sana shrugged

"Sana doesn't have pets, she's allergic" Mina clarified to Jeongyeon, and then look at the direction of the racoon-like woman "And we're not even together, Momo."

Mina turned back her gaze to Jeongyeon and reassured her "They are nice people" 

"kind of" she added in a low voice

"Ya!" Momo fired back. "I heard that!" Sana spoke. Both of them offended.

_Another portion of your wall colapses again_

She asks to accompany you to the library, you accepted, she showed you her favorite book, you two shared music with over an earphone. 

"So, what category does this one fall onto. You have driving at fast speed towards the horizon, late night thoughts, and-" Mina sighs "ching chang chong. You know you could have given k-pop a better title like I don't know, best thing that has happened to the globe so far?"

"That's what my mind told me to call it so let's leave it at that"

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"This song, what category"

"Oh, _right_. Hot sex for hours"

Mina widens her eyes but didn't say anything, staring deeply into nothing. She couldn't process what she just heard, maybe it was the raging boil in her stomach by pure excitement or the chill down her spin by utter worry but some combination of the two completely rigged her out of her focus on the book she was currently reading.

_You let go of your shield._

You let her walk you home. You had _nice_ talks.

"Momo was right, it does look like a baseball bat. Though I can see Sana's perspective that it has a representation of a giant golf club"

"Remind me to hit her tomorrow for that"

"-but I still believe it looks more of a cricket bat or something" 

"As much as I love discussing about my body parts as sports equipment, I think you should shut up now" Jeongyeon warned and Mina fell quiet "And stop staring at my legs"

"I wasn't!"

_You gradually follow that light that'll lead you out_

**[•••]**

After weeks of spending time with her, you feel like you're ready again to start something new, something real.

Jeongyeon and Mina completed their project yesterday so the both of them planned to treat their selves to that newly opened ramen shop today.

"I want some ramen too!" Momo announced to the group enthusiastically

"Alright then. Let's go!" Jeongyeon placed her arm around Momo' shoulders and skipped towards the door of room.

Sadly, Momo and Sana still had their project to do.

Sana pulled Momo's t-shirt by the back neckline, Mina on Jeongyeon's.

"Where do you think you're going? Don't even presume of putting all the workload on me." Sana said in a malicious tone and eyes filled with fiery, dragging a complaining Momo out of the room "NOOO. Why couldn't I have been partnered up with Jeongyeon?!"

"Don't encourage her, you dunce" Mina spoke in the same tone as Sana's but with a softer look, though it still hadn't failed to make Jeongyeon feel small.

Jeongyeon and Mina walked side by side to their destination.

"Okay. That's a lot long line"

"I don't mind waiting, from the feedback we got from Dahyun quote thy tounge hath never tasted such victuals unquote, it already sounds mouthwatering"

"That's because she hasn't tasted my cooking yet" Mina showed a haughty grin

By the time Mina and Jeongyeon got out of the shop, stomachs filled, money spent (much more than they had expect because the ramen was just that good) 

"Hey, can we walk for a bit?" Jeongyeon asked, the look on her eyes masked the heaviness in her voice "I'll walk you home after"

"Sure, no better time to start burning those calories than now" Mina had no idea what was coming to her later on

_Jeongyeon feels - knows this is the right time._

"Do you remember when you confessed, spilled your feelings to me right here?" Jeongyeon started, her voice was hoarse, her hands a bit sweaty, nervous but she had her mind set, determined to prove a point.

"I just stood there like a deer caught in headlights. And when you walked away, I didn't even stop you. I'm sorry that I'm such a coward and for the way I've treated you, you must be so unlucky to have fallen for my charms"

"What charms?" Mina chimed in.

"Shhhhh" Jeongyeon placed her pointing finger on Mina's lips and continued "I'll admit that I was a complete jackass for everything I've done to you, you didn't deserve any of it" she proceeded to move her hand and across Mina's jawline and tucked a stray strand of hair behind the younger's hair and then cupped her cheek, steady and purposeful but light and soft "I'm not asking for you to forgive me. But if you'd let me, I'll make it up to you, I'll repay the effort you've given, I'll treat you right this time" her touch gave off the slightest heat against Mina's skin nonetheless, she missed it the moment Jeongyeon retracted her hand

"Does this mean...?"

"I really, _really_ like you, Myoui Mina" Jeongyeon opened up her arms, stretching them as far as they can get "You'll make me the happiest person alive to be able to call you mine and me yours"

Mina covered her mouth along with her nose using both her arms, a stray tear droped from her eye "Yes. I'd love that very much" she announced, it was music to the older girl's ears, and Mina gave in to Jeongyeon's embrace

  
**[•••]**

_**Ten years later.** _

  
Jeongyeon and Mina went on a vacation in Hawaii.

Jeongyeon placed both her elbows on the railings of the balcony, her gaze was on the sun was peaking from the horizon, it's starting to get blinding but her eyes enjoyed it anyway, cold winds danced on her hair and skin, fresh air coursing in through her nostrils, 

"Penny for your thoughts?" Mina emerged from their bedroom, voice a bit raspy, in a sweater two times bigger than usual covering her cycling, hair a bit disheveled but overall breathtaking.

How lucky Jeongyeon is to have this sight all for herself, she smiles slyly "Just wondering is sand called that because it's between the sea and the land" and earned a slap on the arm from her company.

Jeongyeon straightened her posture and pulled Mina by the waist with her free hand until there wasn't an inch in between them, planted a chaste kiss on the other girl's temple. And Mina snatched the cup of coffee on Jeongyeon was drinking and took a sip.

"This is cold. How long have you been standing here" 

"Hmmm. From the ache in my elbows, maybe a good 50 minutes"

"And I thought you were here for hours thinking of that Acai bowl we're gonna get today"

"Well, that's not entirely false." Jeongyeon responed coyly. 

Mina giggled "What were you really thinking about anyways?"

"You just won't drop it, huh? You're _really_ _stubborn_ as always" Jeongyeon rubbed her nose against Mina's

" _Hey_!" Mina placed the mug in her hands in a nearby table "It's because of that we're married so no complaining, Yoo. Answer the question" Mina demanded, cocked brow, crossed her arms.

" _Fine_." Jeongyeon's low turned low as she turned her gaze back over the sea "I was just wondering what if you've given up on me back then, what if you decided that you've had enough of me and then found someone else to fall in love with"

Jeongyeon pulled Mina in closer and placed her head in the crook of the younger's neck, it tickled Mina for a brief moment but she stayed still.

"what if you hadn't convinced me to come out to my parents, I was really scared back then, I cried in your arms after they said they were fine with me liking other girls and I thought you'd leave me for being such a crybaby about it" 

These are the few times where Jeongyeon would be emotional, at some point she got tired of dwelling in her misery after, well, Mina happened. All those moments spent drowning in her thoughts, she had enough of those. This time, she's willing to make her life a lot more exquisite. Less pain, less worry, less negativity.

And as much as Mina enjoys Jeongyeon's quirky side, she adored this vulnerable side of her too, it's letting Mina know that Jeongyeon has her feet still firmly on the ground.

"You know I could never do that, I love you too much to let you suffer any longer" 

Jeongyeon lifted her head up and looked Mina in the eyes "And I'm grateful to the heavens for that and for giving me one Myoui Mina" 

They both smiled cheekily and captured each other's lips. Everytime they did - it felt like bliss, and it was wonderful _to let yourself be loved._

**Author's Note:**

> I keep on debating on which is more trashier, this one or my first fic  
> I always end up thinking that both of them are garbage :)))
> 
> How was it? :> Do tell me your thoughts
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
